


Sometimes Even Pirates have Embarrassing Health Issues

by LillianMontane



Series: One Piece Drabble Collection [4]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 03:27:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17035736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillianMontane/pseuds/LillianMontane
Summary: Sometimes even pirates get embarrassing health issues. Good thing Sanji has Chopper to help him.





	Sometimes Even Pirates have Embarrassing Health Issues

“Oh my god, again?!” Sanji dropped his knife onto the cutting board and hurried out of the galley for the third time since starting dinner prep. He grumbled to himself the whole way across the ship’s deck to the washroom. Slamming the door shut, he tore his belt off before wincing at the burn as he relieved himself. He was starting to think something was seriously wrong. This was the third time during dinner prep alone he had to hurry to avoid an extremely embarrassing accident.

 

Giving himself a shake before zipping back up and washing his hands, Sanji scowled at his reflection in the mirror. This was getting out of hand. Not only did he have the urge to piss 20 times more than normal, but when he actually did, it hurt like the dickens.

 

Passing back across the deck, Sanji ignored the looks that he got from Usopp and Zoro. “Hey, Kuso-Cook! What’s wrong with you?” He ignored the jibes as well, and disappeared back into the galley with a scowl, hoping he could finish everything quick enough before having to take another trip to the loo.

 

*****

 

Night had fallen and Sanji was the last to head to the bunks. He had avoided any liquids for the entire second half of the day, hoping to stave this issue off. The weather was fairly warm, and quickly lulled the straw hat chef to sleep. Unfortunately, he didn’t stay that way for long, waking only two hours later and cursing his own body. Tumbling out of his hammock, Sanji knew he wasn’t going to make it to the washroom this time. He barely made it to the side of the ship as it was before losing control of his bladder.

 

Sanji groaned as he went back to the bunk room, only to yank his blanket off his bunk before turning around and walking to the washroom for the night. He hunkered down with his blanket and settled in for a miserable night. At least this way though, he wouldn’t have to explain wetting the bed.

 

*****

 

“SANJI!! Why are you sleeping in here? What’s wrong?! AHHHHH! Sanji’s sick, someone call a doctor!” The small reindeer ran in a few tight circles before realizing that he himself was the doctor of the straw hat crew.

 

“Chopper?” Sanji fought to focus his eyes after being so suddenly woken. “Chopper. CHOPPER!” The reindeer quieted down and took in the blonde’s haggard appearance. “Chopper, I really didn’t sleep well, so quiet would be much appreciated. Stop poking me! I’m not sick!”

 

“Why couldn’t you sleep? Why did you stay in the washroom all night?”

 

Sanji gave in to answering their small doctor’s questions, knowing it would just be faster that way. Besides, maybe he really would be able to help. “Cause I’ve been pissing every 20 minutes and really didn’t want to piss the bed, ok?”

 

“Every 20 minutes? Does it burn or hurt at all?”

 

“.... yeah....”

 

“Sanji, are you circumcised?”

 

“The hell, Chopper? What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Well, cause it sounds like you got a uti. And even though it’s not all that common for men, it is more common among those who are uncircumcised.”

 

“...”

 

“Sanji?”

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Ok, well I need a sample. It’s a really quick test, and then I’ll be able to let you know what to do.”

 

“Uch, fine. I can’t handle much more of this anyway.”

 

One half hour later, Chopper scurried into the galley with a paper and a bottle of pills. “Ok, Sanji. You definitely have a urinary tract infection. These will take care of it, it’s just standard penicillin. Take morning and night for 5 days. And this lists some other things you can do to help yourself feel better and prevent another one. Since you are uncircumcised, the biggest thing is to keep proper hygiene. Make sure you are washing und-“

 

“Thanks, Chopper, I can read all of that myself. Want some ice cream as a thanks for being so great, Doctor?”

 

Chopper’s happy dance just couldn’t get any cuter.


End file.
